Gosh I fucking abandoned my blog for a while, there. I have got literally no fucking clue what I’m doing right now. I’ve been just fucking losing it— every day there are twenty thousand more things to do and I can’t fucking handle any of them. I don’t know, the impending doom of not having any place to live this summer, not being able to get a job despite pouring my time into multiple interviews and applications over the past few weeks, hardly being able to keep up with my coursework, the internship, the paper, putting together my portfolio and trying to find some freelance writing gigs are constantly swarming in my head. I’ve had a headache every day for the past few weeks. I feel nauseous all the time. I keep getting hurt.
I don’t know what I wish would happen, but I’m so tired. And it always seems like there’s no end. I keep going to work, but all I have is $6 right now because I’m paying for school. Even if I do get a job this summer, there’s no guarantee that the school will offer me housing. J talked to me for two days but then it seemed like he got upset, so he stopped. I don’t know why. He said he wasn’t bothered, but it feels different. And they won’t tell me until it’s practically too late. everything’s going wrong all the timme and I just want it to stop.